My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize