Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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