I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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