we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
