her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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