just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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