I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
