Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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