Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
