so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
