im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Operation Purity has been aborted
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
