Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
