i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
