I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
