So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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