i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
