I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
