why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
