So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
