You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
