No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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