wat bout pragnant strippers??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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