i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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