Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
