Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You are a genius and a whore.
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