I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
