I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
