I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize