That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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