next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
