ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
