i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
