Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
