adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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