there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize