Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
