I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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