From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
