see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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