The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
