ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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