I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
