Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
