boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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