bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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