cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
