trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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