Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize