You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know her cup size but not her name....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
