a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
