This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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