i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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