Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
