Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
