I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
