Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
