She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize