After last night, I could never be a politician.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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