Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
