If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
