we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want her autograph on my taint
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And then my night got REAL pukey
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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