Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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