Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
