butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
