I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
