you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
