I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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