She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How does it feel to date your dad?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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