This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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