He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How's work?
Spinning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
