Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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