could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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