Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize